Wilting children in modern age of information explosion- can mother become unwittingly enemy of own child, loving its mother as God?

In Chaitanya Programme conducted in Konkan Railway, very renowned experts from Tata Institute of Fundamental Research and Social activists highly qualified in Psychology and Psychiatry from very well to do rich families, but spending time to pursue higher goals in life, Medical Professional hugly qualified in Pediatrics formed a group to devise means and methods to address the emotional and cognitive concerns of growing children between the age of 1 to 10 years, with more focus on formative under 5 years of age when the more than 98% of mind completes its development.

One of the important topics debated and discussed in the group, was the impact of modern age information explosions to which the child's mind is exposed .

The child is almost learning at rates 100 times faster than compared to children of a decade or two decades ago.

There is some fundamental difference of IQ and Emotional quotient  which occur among children-- the former partly genetic and partly acquired, and the later mostly acquired from the environment prevailing in the home.

Actually the child's performance in the society is influenced by the combined effect of Intelligent and Emotional Quotients.

We have three scenes, broadly:

High IQ and low EQ child becomes finally a cynical , scheming , self-centered individual may be cruel in approach to life , harsh tongued arrogant and intolerant, finding problems with every solution.

Low IQ and high EQ child is likely to become a submissive, low performing but mostly kind and of good nature, going about chores of life without treading on toes of any--an average good worker.But he remains pleasant and acceptable within his limitations.

High IQ and High EQ child is the one who becomes the leader and treads new paths and shows leadership, and soft spoken, courageous, able to withstand stress and find solution .A true thoroughbred horse, sensitive and intelligent.

Hence by careful calibration of the environment at home of a child, we do have an opportunity to influence almost  60 to 70% of the process of development of a child given the genetic component of the child IQ remaining what it is.

When born the child has clean slate but certainly blessed with genetically influenced IQ and EQ levels waiting to be improved upon.

How does this get influenced in a given family?

Here comes the nature of the grown up adults with their levels and combinations of IQ and EQ , which make them do what they do.

While, the combined influence of parents is present, it is absolutely a truth of universal nature, that the mother is the first guide and teacher and major influence agent on the life of a child. It is mutual. God has granted love of such extraordinary degree between mother and and a child  and  for the child the world starts and ends with the mother as the one and only God.

Growing child and growing plant have similarity. Love, kindness, soft words, avoiding harshness at any stage within the mutual relationship makes a flower bloom and wilt when the opposite occurs.

The impact of the influence can be categorised as in terms of which actions improve a child to become a High EQ and improved IQ child.

The reactions of High IQ and sensitive EQ children vs low IQ and indifferent children vary. Actually we make a child by our wrong approach and up bringing, a low

The Chaitanya programme sought to address these issues and tried to identify the scenarios which enable a child and those which may disable a child.

Generally mothers want their children to be the best behaved and the most intelligent one, and have own ideas as to how to do it.

Type A :
 A preconceived notion some have that  by being tough and harsh to enforce discipline, the object is achieved. In the process they try to set aside own love, but behave harshly, in the best interest of the child. They will not allow any one else to even advise if they are going overboard. These mothers punish the child as well themselves removing the smiles from each other's face.

Firmness in controlling a child  converts in to a mindless screaming and haranguing the child hurting the self-esteem of the child.

Some times, the guilt of being harsh swings back in to excessive dramatic show of extreme love and cries of joy too... the emotional roller coaster that the child and mother ride does have an impact on how the child develops.

 This will adversely impact on the EQ levels for the child, hurting its self-esteem.

Type B:
Another group of mothers, believe in soft skills, not driving the child in to corners with threats of extreme punishments but winning over with love and understanding , where the child does the right things because he loves to do and not under threat of punishment. Here tolerance and patience become critical.

As the child grows he experiences these qualities and his own make up accordingly gets imprinted. These mothers also are firm in control but by not by tongue lashing, but by , cool winning over the child with soothing smiles , and getting closer, softening  the adverse impact of rejection of the desire of the child to get some thing they want. This retains the EQ levels to remain high for the child.

In both the approaches, the child gets disciplined and grows, but with different combination of levels of IQ and EQ.

Unfortunately the acquired IQ levels will very much depend on the EQ levels-- because the child with low EQ will be withdrawing type, sees every where negativism, fears for some one hurting his self-esteem, lacks self confidence , thus even affecting social behaviour. The assessed IQ levels in formal education thus will be adversely affected. SO children growing up under type A mothers, will no doubt love mothers as much as the children growing up under type B mothers, but get stunted growth and will not realise full potential of life.

Thus it is seen that EQ levels has double whammy effect- hurting development of IQ in formal education too.

Science has well established research findings that love and softness only should be the tools used to bring up a human being. The displeasure to be shown for disciplining is by way of degree of reduction in demonstration of love, and never , by outright anger and harshness. The sensitising of a child for such responsive behaviour is totally within control of parents for the first five years of life of the child.

It is unfortunate or fortunate (?) a child gets his karma decided by the forces beyond his control: own loving parents!

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सत्यं  परम् धीमही
बी. राजाराम
Rajaram Bojji M.Tech. IRSE (Retd.), FIE, FNAE, AMASCE
Fmr. MD Konkan Railway /Min. of Railways India
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